Although it has been some time since I was last on the dating scene, I do not miss it. The terrible dates with men who are about as interesting as my little toe and tempting as a Smartlipo treatment, trying their best to get into your knickers. No thank you!

However, those terrible dates and ridiculous men have provided myself and my friends with a lot of entertainment, hopefully they shall now provide you with a giggle or two!

So one of the funnier ones, his name was Rob and in the daylight he looked like some kind of elf with far too much hair. However I did not meet him in the daylight but at a nightclub. Unfortunately it is not just men who suffer from beer goggles or wine/tequila/vodka goggles. Having said this we did have a fabulous evening dancing and laughing and we had alot in common, so decided to exchange numbers and meet up again.

The date went well(ish) however I did decide that he was a little weird; openly telling me about how he exposed his mother’s affair to his father and how much it destroyed their lives was a give away that he wasn’t quite right in the head.

Anyway the end of the evening came and we said goodbye and I thought that’s that then…little did I know.

A week later I went out dancing again with a few friends, and low and behold he was at the same bar. Wasn’t much of a problem as he was sucking face with another girl so, I believed, I had a lucky escape. However as the night drew to a close and I went to get in to a taxi I hear my name being desperately called out by a man. I turn around and it’s Rob, who is

“So sorry you had to see that, I didn’t know you were here, I’m so ashamed…”

After calming him down and preventing him from making the situation any worse I managed to hail a taxi, as I was about to get in the taxi however Rob dropped to one knee and declared his undying love and asked me to marry him…you can imagine how that turned out!

Three months later my sister, who had met Rob, was at an Interpol gig, he was there and apparently asked why I had stopped returning his calls and messages. My sister looked at him in total shock and told him what he had done, he was so trashed he failed to remember the proposal or the dramatic scene…What would’ve happened if I’d said yes?